What was that?

Being the age I am, I really hate management jargon especially having spent years in management trying to work out what people were talking about. When I was thinking how to share this with you. I did a bit of blue sky thinking. I checked in the box, connected the dots then drilled down into them. I tried to touch base with you all then couched the idea as we are probably not all singing from the same hymn sheet. I needed a bio break and some air cover, so I thought outside the box, created a matrix from my thought shower and now I’m pushing the envelope – still with me?

If you are then you are are doing well. All of the jargon sounds absolutely ridiculous when you hear it all going on in business meetings. It seems that no one can just simply say what they think any more. I get the feeling that staff today feel they are not professional if they don’t speak the lingo. I think it’s the opposite. I think people who just say what they mean have much clearer mind sets than those that resort to the fashionable quotes and they are the people I used to employ. Feeling like this I thought I would tell you my personal interpretation of management jargon.

Blue sky thinking – Its a lovely day – lets have a picnic!

Check in the box – Wonder what they have bought me for my birthday?

Connected the dots- One of my favourite things in a puzzle book. I like to try and guess what its going to be.

Drill down – I hate the dentist but at least the modern drill isn’t as bad as the old ones where it felt they were drilling right through your jaw bone.

Touch base – racing for the flat thing on the ground in American baseball

Couch the idea – Yes it is a good idea, crash out on the couch and watch a film – You just need some chocolate and popcorn.

Not all Singing from the same hymn sheet – A mix up in church! Probably because they have Silver Servers!

Bio Break – Breaking the seal on a bottle of Baby Bio plant food. And thats another thing, I know things have to be childproof but do they have to be “old” proof as well. I have ruined many a knife and screwdriver trying to get the top off my favourite jar of olives.

Matrix – an awful film starring Keanu Reeves. It was so boring

Thought shower – Well I thought about a nice long hot bath and then thought no I’ll have a shower

Needing Air Cover – when the dog is lost and you need the police spotter plane to find him.

Pushing the envelope – Pushing an envelope full of money over the counter to be counted and then deposited in the bank.

I have to say that sometimes bits of jargon can be useful. In another lifetime I had a large team of people and every summer we would have a “Blue Sky Thinking” afternoon. This always went down well with senior management and councillors alike. In reality I arranged an afternoon of cover for my team and we all piled in our cars and went to the local park for a few hours for a picnic and a game of french cricket. This down time with laughter and fun refreshed their minds and made them a “team” more than any round the table brain showers ever did.

So please, lets have more plain speech, no more made up ridiculous sayings and then perhaps we’ll all know whats going on!!

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