Web Web Web

I just can’t understand why I can’t beat the webs. I don’t mean the WWW dot type of web, I mean spiders webs. Now I am not fanatically house proud. I am more the sort that will panic when I know we have visitors coming and try to find the floors under all the dog beds, shoes, books (and other stuff that magically appears) so that I can clean them.

I live with two dogs and two other adults. That means six feet and eight paws (often twelve paws when a doggy friend comes to stay) and so what chance do I stand of keeping my white – yes white, kitchen floor clean.

I do sometimes have a cleaning fit. It doesn’t happen very often but it did occur yesterday morning. What triggered it I can hear you all asking. Well, it was when I went out into our laundry/boot/dog/rubbish room, opened the back door to the garden and walked face first into a huge spiders web.

Now I like spiders, I don’t even mind the webs when they are not over my face but I do draw the line when they decide to take over . I know it’s not the resident spiders such as the large one called Henry who lives in the living room and travels across the carpet from one end of the room to the other of an evening. He usually causes pandemonium as the dogs think he is a supper snack and we have to save his life. Then there is the small round very dark one called Jemima who lives under the toilet roll holder in the toilet. She is very sweet but does tend to stare at you when you are doing what you went in there to do, which is a bit disconcerting.

No I am not waging war against the likes of Henry and Jemima, it’s the ones that try to cover the doors with webs and catch us on the way through them. I have discovered something amazing about webs – they are almost indestructible. I have tried using my Dyson which is a lovely strong machine to gather them up, but no. They just stick together and form a pad over the nozzle. If you then try to get it off with your fingers, they get all sticky and it is very hard to remove. I had to resort to Cif last week and I have to say, I wouldn’t recommend it as hand cream.

The webs just on the garden side of the door were really bad. This was when I had my light bulb moment – or so I thought. I pulled the back door closed and got the hosepipe!! I let rip with a full blast on the webs from top to bottom. Oh how I wished I hadn’t! I hadn’t closed the back door properly and so I had to spend half an hour bailing water out of the laundry room and drying the carpets. And the webs looked nice and clean and almost like new hanging just where they were. It’s not fair!

A friend of mine said that if I spoke to the spiders nicely, they would go away – a bit like bees. I waited until the family were out of earshot (I wouldn’t want them to think I am weird) and had a long conversation with the main spider who I knew for certain was just at the back of the cupboard where I couldn’t see him. All I can say is that my friend is nuts. There were more spiders than ever the next day.

I also have a problem with dust. I just can’t understand where it comes from. Perhaps in Summer with all the windows and doors open I should expect it but yesterday while it was pouring down, I polished all the glass tables. When I went back into the room later that day – the dust was back! Why oh why isn’t there a dust portal in my house where it can all disappear through. (see my previous post to understand this comment)

I suppose I am a bit of a minimalist. I am not a lover or “knick knacks”. I don’t like patterned carpets or wall paper either and so my home is very plain. I like things to be clear and tidy. It comes from when I was a child and my grandmother would always say “don’t put it down, put it away” Somehow this has always been stuck in my head, and to me it makes sense. Putting in down and then putting it away later is two bits of work. Just putting it away straight away is just one bit of work. Simple! The trouble is the rest of the family don’t think like that, neither do the dogs. Many is the time I have tripped over shoes and bags, stepped on the dogs squeaky toy (I never get used to this, it always make s me jump) and walked into a house that looks as though it has been picked up and shaken.

When I go to other peoples houses, they always seem full of nice things, very homely and nice but I know that if I chose some patterned paper or something like that, then it would irritate me before the first week was out. I like my peace and calm.

So to keep my home clean and tidy I need to solve one problem as a time. The webs are the first thing to sort out. I wonder if a flame thrower would work?…………

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