Silverteen is a world between life and death – that is between the ages of 60ish and death! Now I have a problem with many things in life. Perhaps I am just a moaning old moo but I wonder why it is that when you get to sixty and then to sixty-five and onwards people (especially shop assistants) start treating you as though your next outing should be for a coffin fitting! Many a shop assistant has said the immortal words “ah bless” when I might have inadvertently entered the wrong pin number for my credit card. Little did they know how close they came to my fist changing the shape of their nose
The ageing process is not an easy one. Take for example the problem of the socks. There is somewhere a place called “Sock World” I think the portal to this world is somewhere between the tumble dryer and the ironing basket. I know the socks go into the washing machine – I put them there myself. How is it that at least two are missing when they transfer to the tumble? And why do two more different ones disappear between the tumble and the laundry basket. I can’t see the portal but I know it’s there because sometimes the socks come back through and reappear again. I sometimes wish I could find the portal, I’d like to visit sock world. Lots of brightly coloured socks all milling around matching up with each other even if they are not in proper pairs. A bit like life here really, odd people hooking up with other odd people and some just finding their perfect match. I wonder if sock world is full of nice places for the socks to go and visit. I wonder what they do. I have visions of a gravity free world, full of sunshine and flowers and colourful socks just flying around in it.
I think my home is full of portals. The must be a knife world, a remote control world, a cheese world and a money world because all these things just seem to disappear.
Another problem with ageing is that everyone things you are old! Now I may be 70 this year. I may have a face that needs ironing in the mornings but, and its a big but, and this is a secret and so you mustn’t tell anyone, I am actually 70 on the outside but 17 on the inside! I can do all the things I did when I was seventeen (apart from some of the physical things) but I can do them without worrying about the consequences, as at my “out side” age I couldn’t care less what people think of me or say about me. This can sometimes lead to trouble and to being labelled “eccentric”. Actually this is great, if you are eccentric you really can do as you like and no one seems bothered! This means I can walk the dog around the village at midnight in my pyjamas or go down to the local shop using a scooter (a small silver one that you propel with one foot not the disability type). There are still a lot of questions from my neighbours about where the bubbles come from (there are not many children around here to blame for anything) but I love bubbles. I am hoping for a bubble gun for Christmas instead of the usual old age presents! (I’ve also listed a recorder, even though I don’t read music), a new kite (mine got stuck in a tree) and a large fish pond (don’t give much for my chances on this one).
Joint me next time for my thoughts on modern language – it will be fascinating!